A"S"MN.

The “reel” world.

2012-02-09T12:22:00.001+08:00

I wonder what it should be like to be a girl.

I even wonder what it would feel like to be a boy. You know I would take the opportunity any time I am offered a chance. But I don’t think that my life is going to magically evolve into one of God’s handwritten scripts, where, out of nowhere, I suddenly stumble upon the oh-so-pretty Blue Fairy and she grants my wish to become a real boy.

That would have been lovely, anyway. But I do know my grounds. Life is not like in the movies.

Actually, life is like the movies. I mean, where do inspirations of making movies come from? Life, right? So why couldn’t anyone agree to the statement, “life is like in the movies” and instead, turn to a sentence more provocative which is, “life is not like in the movies”?

I am confusing everyone, I know. Random brain vomit.

Life is not like in the movies, because, movies aren’t inspired by life. Movies are inspired by our daydreams and deepest, darkest desires. Our desires make up the movies. I believe that scripts are written based on one’s own experience and questions. Someone who’s totally into supernatural things might as well lash out a love story between mortals and vampires, because making up stories, are the only ways we can make our dreams come true. In reality, Stephanie Meyer is never going to meet a vampire, so she conjured the Cullen family in her mind. In reality, Meg Cabot is never going to be a princess, so she writes a novel about an average, ugly duckling who is actually a princess of some foreign country. J.R.R. Tolkien thinks it must be über cool to travel lands of magical creatures while trying to destroy an equally magical ring, so there you have it. The Lord of the Rings trilogy.

And all these daydreams eventually become movies. You know how awesome it is to have like, the whole wide world watching your daydreams come to life?

I don’t, because I’ve never been there before, but still, it must have felt… euphoric.

Sometimes I just start typing without knowing what I want to talk about. Most of the time, the things I actually want to talk about becomes as misleading as this, from becoming a boy to movies to daydreams. I am so having one of my writer’s block right now.

Taste and chase.

2012-01-29T22:57:00.001+08:00

When someone asked me why I haven’t been on the ‘Net for so long, I nodded in approval and exclaimed that I had been working. The person then would proceed to ask where I’m working at and what I’m working as. Well, surprise surprise. I’m a sales consultant at one of the most reputable boutiques in a local (and as reputable) shopping mall. I have come to realize that there’s a difference between sales consultant and sales assistant.

You do have that moment where you step into a boutique and the salesperson greets you with a, “Hi. May I help you?” Well. That’s a sales consultant right over there. Sales assistant, on the other hand, is someone who merely assists you when you ask for their help. You can often find sales assistants at department stores like Jusco and Metrojaya. They don’t interfere with your shopping. Which makes them less annoying than the former one.

Yes, you get the point. I am the sales consultant, the annoying little twerp who tries to recommend you normal priced items instead of marked down ones, the one who informs you of the current promotions, and also, the person who tells you what looks good, and what doesn’t. That is me, in these past three months, my friend. And it was not something I imagine I would ever be.

I’m not exactly the friendly kind of person who could easily chat a person up. It takes a lot of time for me to actually greet a customer. And to begin to feel confident that customers would like and buy the items I recommend, well, that takes a longer period of time. But all the same, I promised that I would try, and I did. Confidence is the key for this kind of job. Your own appearance is important, which I sort of lack. I wouldn’t say that I have been a successful sales consultant during my time, but at least, I did my best and for a first timer, I’m proud to say that I did well.

Eventually though, I realized that fashion retail is not exactly my calling. I find myself yawning a lot of times, and beginning to feel impatient for the door to close. The job actually pays very well, but when you’re in my shoes, you don’t make money your top priority. You realize that it is important, but at the same time, you also realize that you’re still so very young. Why don’t you go and chase your dreams? So I resigned, in hopes of getting a job I really do like – journalism. My quest hasn’t been going on so well, honestly. I think I need to knock on a few doors and show them what I am made of. Writing is my passion. Music too, but I guess I’m just in the step of an avid listener.

I don’t know about you because I don’t talk for anyone except myself. I know that I can have a bright future ahead of me if I keep on walking into the light. Life is too short to be working at shopping malls and restaurants. Those are jobs for those who just wants to make a living. I want to make a living too, but at the same time, I want to make my dream a reality. So I’ll just pass the job to someone else who could make use of it a lot more than I do. What’s important is that, I have been given a taste of what fashion retail has to offer. It taught me a lot, more than I could have imagined it could. And I made some friends there. Friends who have their own different lives, interesting friends whom I could actually have fun with. That’s rare. And the experience is rare. I’m glad I have been there, and done that before.

Dear boys,

2012-01-12T21:37:00.001+08:00

there’s a lesson that your parents forgot to teach you, and it is this.

“Never make a girl fall in love with you if you plan to make her fall out of love when you don’t need her anymore. I can confidently say that forgetting you is the third most painful thing a girl can ever feel after death and giving birth.

If you have, then please know that you are fully responsible for all the pain she feels, whether you are or whether you are not involved in the problem. Know that in every prayer she makes, she prays for your health, well being and safety always. Know that in every music she hears, she sees no one but you, and you alone. Know that in everything she does, even after you have left, will remind her of you.

You boys may not realize it, because for you, there’s a million fishes in the sea to catch. But for her, there’s a million boys in the world but she doesn’t see anyone but you.”

Sincerely,
Noorazlina binti Mohd Noor.
12.1.2012.

She just needs one.

2012-01-12T15:49:00.001+08:00

I like boys, people know that way too well.

There’s something about the way they dress, the way they carry themselves oh-so-gracefully (in their own, rough-edged way) and something about a thousand more ideas a girl may have about boys. It makes me feel like, if there’s a blue fairy, I would search for her, and my only wish, is to be a pretty boy for a day.

Sometimes my friends would tell me that I do act like a boy. Maybe because I mainly hang out with boys, I find them very care free and straightforward. I cannot find any more words to describe it. I like boys, and I do want a chance to be a boy. But.

I am not a boy. I am a girl. And I love being a girl. These past few months I’ve been venturing into cosmetics a lot more than I used to, and I find myself turning into a total girl next door. I cry a lot every night when I feel hurt, and I long for someone to love, and love me more than I could ever love. Love is something a girl feels deeply attached to. Once you got her addicted to it, she will want more than you could possibly plan on giving.

There’s a million boys out there but I don’t see anyone but.

I miss you.

2012-01-08T01:21:00.001+08:00

Very, very much.

Sally’s symphonies.

2012-01-01T00:15:00.001+08:00

Hopeless.

2011-12-25T13:44:00.001+08:00

I wanna do everything with you. I want to laugh with you, I want to cry with you, I want to go to those expensive restaurants to have dinner with you and I don’t need candle lights to make it romantic. You’re bright enough to be my light. And and and, I want to be there to hold your hand when you fall, I want to see you cry and I want to be the one who sings you a lullaby when you’re sleepy. But you’ll have to forgive my voice, I don’t sing like Siti Nurhaliza :P

“What else?”

Nothing. I just want to love you, because love is everything we can ever have.

P/S : I’m just in the mood for love, thanks to Bryan Adams.

From a mortal to another mortal.

2011-12-25T13:33:00.001+08:00

How can a bird fly when you keep pointing out its weak wings?

I feel a bit frustrated with how people handle mistakes, forgivable mistakes, to be more precise. In fact, every mistake, no matter how big or small, is forgivable. It’s just the way we handle the pain felt every time someone makes a mistake that effects you. Never let an emotion control your speech and actions when you are hurt. It will open up the scars even more.

No, I am not planning to start on big, criminal mistakes where your beloveds are murdered, tortured or mutilated. That’s another kind of mistake. I’m talking about those small, small ones that you can easily forgive and forget, without wanting to bring it out in the future.

Hey. We all make mistakes. We’re all humans. None of us are immortals so don’t expect anyone to be free from flaws. That’s selfish, because if you begin to have such expectations, it indicates that you feel you are a perfect human being, who is indeed, a human who makes small, “it’s okay” mistakes only. I have to express how uneasy I feel with such humans, but again, it’s alright. Some people are just born, or raised in such a manner.

So you want everyone (other than you) to be perfect? I can tell you how. It’s easy.

Let them make mistakes. It’s okay.

I believe that it’s alright for us to make mistakes repeatedly, accidently, because I know that we are forgetful. Now, that does not mean that I am a person who makes mistakes a thousand times just for the sake of it. I just forgot the right thing to do, you know? And I just know that you’re like me too. You didn’t mean to forget, you just… forgot. Without making mistakes, we know nothing about life. Face it.

If you have never put too much water in your Maggi when you’re young, you wouldn’t have been able to cook a perfect brew of “Mi Maggi senang dimasak sedap dimakan”.

If you haven’t made a mistake when answering your UPSR exams, you wouldn’t have passed your SPM with straight As.

If you haven’t hurt someone for a mistake you did, you wouldn’t have been with that person in the first place. So deal with it. Humans learn from their mistakes. Forgive and forget.

Forgive and forget. So easy to say, but so hard to do, isn’t it? :)

Simply because everyone has been here before.

2011-12-23T23:36:00.001+08:00

Take me away to January. I’m done with this year. I’m tired of everyone here.
I just need some time alone before I’m ready to come back home.
There’s gotta be something else out there for me.
I could feel it in my heart the day I started to dream.
There’s more than this Midwestern town.
I can’t let this place keep me down.

So I tell myself,

“There’s a girl out on the coast of California.
There’s a world out there and it’s waiting for you and I can hear it calling my name tonight.”

Take me away. I need the sand and the waves,
the sunset and let’s not forget those warm autumn days.
I just need to get out of here and visit the coast just to see her.

There’s gotta be something else out there for me.
I could feel it in my heart the day I started to dream.
There’s more than this Midwestern town.
I can’t let this place keep me down.

So I tell myself,

“There’s a girl out on the coast of California.
There’s a world out there and it’s waiting for you and I can hear it calling my name tonight.”

There’s a girl out on the coast of California.
There’s a world out there and it’s waiting for you
and I can hear it calling my name tonight.

Take me away to January. I’m done with this year. I’m tired of everyone here.
I just need some time alone before I’m ready to come back home.

#5 Take Me Away, Goodbyes and Autumn Skies (2008).
Composed and performed by Chase Coy.

Secara jujurnya,

2011-12-23T01:27:00.001+08:00

aku sangat suka dengar kawan-kawan bercerita tentang diri mereka. Sebab?

Aku tak ada apa yang kamu ada. Dan aku selalu memikirkan akan betapa hancurnya hati mereka yang terlibat jika mereka tahu apa yang aku rasa.

What separates me from you.

2011-12-22T00:29:00.001+08:00

I have

a father I have failed to love,
a mother whom I disowned from the blood,
friends, what’s the meaning of the word anyway,

and

a lover

who does not exist.

God is fair.

We found love in a hopeless place.

2011-12-21T18:26:00.001+08:00

It’s funny how I keep wishing for things that I already have.
It’s hilarious how the rain can make such a familiar state seems so unfamiliar.
And it tickles me straight into the bones of how I couldn’t tell you that I love you,
when you know that it’s the truth.

That’s the ingredients of how to be a rock star like me.

Good things keep happening recently, and again, I just have to repeatedly admit that I love it when it rains. The cooling sensation keeps me glued in the warmness of my own flesh and bones, in every single way it could. And I have just realized that I have left my guitar a virgin for so long. It was untouched, ever since the day I … forgot. Poor thing. It should be dusty by now.

I wouldn’t admit the fact that I love the colour pink dearly, because I am just a bit embarrassed to say anything that would make me look too girlish. Eventhough I mostly wear dark colours without a hint of citrus at all, I find myself in complete peace when I wear a dusty pink hue. I guess I don’t really love the colour that much, but a girl is a girl, no matter how she rejects planet Venus’s presence in her moons (and no, this does not refer to homosexuality at all).

I have not been able to write a proper, self-opinionated post these few weeks. Blame the love I am feeling at the moment. He makes me feel more at ease, and to forget the little things that used to worry me so much. Those things have nothing to do with me, I live my life the way I am supposed to and I don’t need to step into someone else’s shoe. I have my own to fill.

This is a very remixed post. I hope all of you have realized it by now. I don’t even know where I am supposed to focus.

The thespian.

2011-12-13T13:20:00.001+08:00

I don’t seem to want to write anything anymore. I feel terribly forsaken. Perhaps the best way to vent is to take a bus or a train to somewhere very far, without the desire to stop anywhere, without any need to go anywhere at all. Just moving and enjoying the view from the window will comforting enough. But I can’t do that now. I’m tired and exhausted. Resting deprives me off my solitude, only to make me feel more frustrated with the atrocities beaten against my layers.

All I wanted was a life like what other regular people would enjoy. Not a highly luxurious one, and it doesn’t have to be easy for me all the time. Almost ten years looking for it, all by myself, but still no sight of a dream-come-true surging into the reality. It pretty much feels like I have been promised with speculative facts the entire journey. I paid such a high price for the trip, and what a disappointment to find out that the place called home is resting six feet underground.

Anyhow, please have a good day, everyone.

Penguin-In-A-Cookie-Tin Part 4 : “Enlightenment.”

2011-12-13T12:45:00.001+08:00

“Specially reserved for Miss Azlina until due date 29 December 2011.
Deposit paid RM 40. Please present receipt upon full purchase.”

At least there will be something else to look forward to aside from the forsaken.

Dan aku, khilafku.

2011-12-10T23:49:00.001+08:00

Mata sudah pedih menahan keringat yang membuak-buak mahu keluar, tapi aku degil. Tahankan juga! Tahan! Tahan!

Egoistiknya aku. Sebaik sahaja mendengar suara sahabat baik di talian telefon, air mata yang aku cuba perapkan tadi mengalir juga. Aku dongak kepala supaya air mata tidak dapat keluar, biar bertakung saja di situ. Tak mahu lagi ia jatuh ke tanah. Tapi aku gagal. Untuk sekian kalinya, aku gagal.

Terima kasih atas segala apa yang Kau berikan pada aku. Aku redha saja.

Senyum tawar.

#1 Ada Apa Denganmu? Bintang Di Surga (2004).
Performed by Peterpan.

Staying alive and well.

2011-12-10T00:09:00.001+08:00

Oh my goodness, I totally forgot how much I used to love this song when I was just a little girl!
I still do, until this very day. How immortal good music can be sometimes.

*Having this on repeat. It will be my lullaby tonight.

My father loves this song. He lets me have a listen and it was love at first sight.

I have loved this song for more than a decade of breathing.

My children will love this song. I will make full sure.

And their children will have the song stored
in their futuristic mobile gadgets.

Even after a hundred years, Stayin’ Alive will stick true to their name and, stay alive.

Physically different, that’s all.

2011-12-09T19:06:00.001+08:00

I haven’t been listening to any post-hardcore music for such a long time now. Can you see how happy I am at the moment? My music selection shows what I am thinking about, how I am feeling and why am I doing things the way I do.

Most people have this perception that post-hardcore music is only for rebels, and mostly contain rebellious lyrics. To say that post-hardcore music can never have a happy theme, that is vulnerably mythical. Being an avid listener for some mere years now (I started to listen and be able to accept the aggressiveness of their tones when I was about… 17 years old?), I can assure you that post-hardcore music can also be as romantic as the regular pop you hear everyday. It’s just that the way post-hardcore musicians address their emotions are a tad bit… Rough.

“This is not what it is, only baby scars.
I need your love like a boy needs his mother’s side.”

Yes, this is not as hopeless romantic as the others could be, but this is the number I am frequently listening to at the moment. Enjoy it if you could. Speaking of which, I recently have shared this Facebook conversation on a frequent politic-related issue with a friend of mine. This friend, he stands very strongly on his principles, and I admire his capabilities of understanding his area of studies. There were a few things that we did not agree on, but again, I respect that. Like I’ve said a million times before, different people, different school of thoughts.

The conversation went pretty much well, except for a couple of passers by who simply likes to ridicule other people just because they don’t see eye to eye. I don’t mind any critism projected towards my opinions, but I simply cannot stand childish, selfish questions and statements coming from adults. Young adults, in this case. I’m VERY sure that the people who was in the conversation have lived for more that 15 years, and there is simply no reason to be so self-centred. There is no reason to not agree with someone when you have not been listening. I do realize that I was in a tight spot. You could say that I was the only one who disagrees, but still, no reason to not give respect to someone who does not use vulgar words and does not ridicule anyone in the discussion. That is simply immature, so I decided to just talk to the friend, because as much as he would disagree, he knows how to respect.

All of the time, there are always two sides of the story. It depends on you, to look at it from the side you want. Personally for me, I would resort to the middle. I juggle the positive and the negative. No one knows everything, no one knows exactly, 100% why a decision is made, so why not compromise? It’s alright to disagree, it’s just that, I am tired of people trying to shove their thoughts into people’s throats forcefully. That’s not the way things should be, is it?

The keyword is always to respect. That’s how you can get what you claim for, honestly.

Penguin-In-A-Cookie-Tin Part 3 : “Please come home..?”

2011-12-09T14:05:00.001+08:00

Oh my goodness. This is way too cute to resist.

[And no, I did not mean to make a third part of the Penguin-A-Cookie-Tin post.
It’s just supposed to be two, but I saw these pictures at Su’s blog and I simply have to keep it in memoir.]

Step 1 :
“Climb into a cookie tin.”

Step 2 :
“Tie myself up with blue ribbons.”

Step 3 :
“Wait patiently for Miss Soren a.k.a. Cik Azlina to come and bring me home.”

*Credit of pictures go to Delectable by Su on Blogger.

Penguin-In-A-Cookie-Tin Part 2 : “A girl like me.”

2011-12-09T13:44:00.001+08:00

All this while, I have stubbornly shape-shifted myself to become a persona as cold as ice. Every substance the world had to offer wounds me emotionless. Anger, I take mistakes as something that should be naturally avoided and there is simply no reason why I should cry for spoilt milk. Happiness, it comes to me occasionally in limited amounts and is used sparingly. Neither have I been too happy, nor so angry with myself, or anyone else. I was cautious, and I would never let anyone hurt me as bad as I could have endangered myself. But recently, I find myself becoming a little bit meek, becoming a little bit – okay, very, spoilt and becoming a little bit… fragile.

Little did I know that such a simple gesture would change my (-shaped lips into a curvier ). It’s funny now that I think of it. I’m so girly, it’s not even funny. And who would have thought a soft penguin toy could make me feel so much better, just by holding it in a girlish manner (happy giggles included). Although I couldn’t take it home at that exact moment, I just realized that for such a long time, I have moulded myself to become Buttercup, deny the existence of “…sugar, spice, and everything nice ” (minus the spice) AND forget about the little things that could make me happy in the blink of an eye. There is a Blossom, and even a Bubbles in me, but I let Buttercup take control of the whole situation. Now that sounds so damaged, doesn’t it?

Religious-wise, I do not celebrate Christmas, although I do like Christmas-related music, an image of myself looking out the window on a dark, snowy Christmas eve (not that I have experienced solid, real snow in my palms before), decorating Christmas tree (again, no, I have never done this before but it looks fun) and I love The Nightmare Before Christmas very much. This year, the Christmas theme seems to be penguins, and how dearly I adore the softies at Delectable by Su. I plan to get one as soon as possible, although it is a tad bit expensive on my budget, I just have to own one. I’d call him Harro.

Actually I posted about wanting to bring home a penguin and missing the chance to at Delectable by Su’s Facebook wall, and the admin said that they call the penguins Pengi, and it just says “Harro!” to them every morning. So I was mistaken. Harro actually means “Hello”. Well never mind, I’m calling mine that anyway – if I have the chance to buy one.

Oh my goodness, I am so in love with the penguins I could die not breathing the word “penguin” at every single conversation I have today. Sadly you can’t keep a penguin as a pet in Malaysia, so I’ll just have to opt for a soft toy now. Please please please, let me have it. I promise I will buy a penguin, just reserve one for me until the end of December, please?

*Credit of pictures goes to Delectable by Su on Facebook.

Penguin-In-A-Cookie-Tin Part 1 : “Good things always come in limited editions.”

2011-12-09T09:59:00.001+08:00

I don’t usually buy myself presents, let alone ask for one but…

Meet Harro the “Penguin-In-A-Cookie-Tin”. He is

snuggable,
extremely adorable
and is
definitely,
roundly,

plump.

He’s fat. But he’s cute like that.

Most of the time, when I am having my occasional “WARNING : STAY AWAY or come real close” mood, I would comfort myself with the likes of good music. After a couple of mellow tunes, and sometimes more upbeat sounds in the middle, things would be okay again. I could go on with my life, leaving the past behind for a while. Yesterday though, was a different story. I was craving for something else.

“How about an aesthetic, glorious spread of good food?”

Thank you, but the food just didn’t work. I need something else. Something new, something I don’t find lingering in my senses often. Something to question about, and then to seek for the answer.

Still 30 minutes before the bell rings, I decided to take a walk around the mall. In my mind, I had planned on going to the bookstore, as I have always loved the smell of stories set in one place. But as I passed the centre court, my eye was caught on a Christmas themed gift booth. They had these soft animal toys on the racks. “Well, what do you know?” I said to myself with a wink.

Obviously attracted, I remembered the penguin softies I saw on display at Delectable by Su. Delectable by Su is a cake boutique addressed at The Gardens, Mid Valley. Their speciality is of course, designer cakes, desserts, chocolate delights and even “…a range of fruit smoothies to nourish your body and soul!”. Recently, I have been having a secret crush on the penguins there but they were most probably there for visual merchandising purposes. The one at the centre court looked so much like Delectable by Su’s tiny little tots, except bigger, so I asked for a smaller version. A snuggable version. I knew what I was craving for then.

Poor sales assistant girl had to run to the store just to have me rejecting the penguin. It was just not the one I wanted. Delectable by Su’s version is much, much more SNUGGABLE, and snuggable is IMPORTANT. A bit disappointed, I directed my apologies to her as I do mean to buy a penguin but I want a different one. I looked around the booth some more, just in case I had missed something in the corner of my eye. They have another penguin, VERY snuggable, very adorable and it looked like it was swimming in the ice cold Antarctica sea. But the problem is, I did not favour the grey on the penguin. Sure, it would match the Siberian Husky I have on my bed, but the colour is not comforting at all. I surely would have made a purchase if the penguin had a jet black, bluish white coat.

15 minutes to 5. I just have to go to Delectable by Su. Rush hour. And the first thing the sales assistant heard after exchanging hi’s and hello’s was a curious, unsure statement projected as, “I don’t think what I wanted is on sale, but are the penguins ON SALE?” He laughed at my eagerness and denied my suspicion. “Yes, the penguins are on sale, and we only sell them during Christmas season.”

“You see, I’m just a little girl whose broken heart can be easily comforted with an adorable little penguin stuffed inside
a cookie tin.”

Unfortunately, Harro couldn’t follow me back home because my card was not with me. Sad, but I’ll come back for it one of these days. If the budget doesn’t allow me, then I will really have to ask the shop to reserve it for me until the end of December. Sigh. Why does good things always come in limited editions?

*Credits of pictures to Delectable by Su on Facebook.

Complicated.

2011-12-05T01:52:00.001+08:00

Humans make mistakes. This simply leads to a conclusion that humans will never be perfect. Sometimes all someone needs in an assurance. Assurance from other individuals claim as an act of avoiding a mistake to occur for the second time.

Why couldn’t anyone understand that?

Gone.

2011-12-04T18:06:00.001+08:00

Was (and still am) digging through the Asian version of Now That’s What I Call Music! album series
and found scents of old memoirs lingering through the tracks.

“No regrets,” he sings. “They don’t work.”

Getting old.

2011-12-03T08:05:00.001+08:00

If we’re gonna make this works, you gotta let me inside eventhough it hurts.
Don’t hide the broken parts that I need to see.

Like it or not, it’s the way it’s gotta be.
You gotta love yourself if you could ever love me.

#3 Whatever It Takes, Who We Are (2007).
Performed by Lifehouse.

Ceramah pagi : Asas kehidupan.

2011-11-27T07:45:00.001+08:00

Saya selalu merungut kerana realitinya, saya harus bangun awal-awal pagi (seawal pukul 6) untuk berada di tempat kerja pada waktu yang sepatutnya. Bukankah pada waktu itu, saya sepatutnya masih sedang lena tidur di atas katil dan menikmati cuti semester yang panjang ini, seperti rakan-rakan sebaya saya yang lain?

Tidak, seharusnya saya bersyukur kerana telah diberikan sebuah pekerjaan yang halal dan baik, sedangkan ada manusia lain yang masih menganggur dan sangat mengharapkan mereka dapat bangun awal pagi seperti saya. Saya sangat bertuah tetapi lupa untuk bersyukur. Sentiasa merungut, membebel, melihat segala kondisi dengan mata kasar sahaja.

Alhamdulillah, terima kasih.

Dulu saya selalu tertanya-tanya, kenapalah hidup saya ini tidak sesenang kawan-kawan yang lain. Mereka dengan mudahnya mampu mendapat apa-apa sahaja yang mereka mahukan dengan hanya meminta dari ibu bapa mereka. Okey, bukan mudah, kamu kata, tetapi sekurang-kurangnya kamu boleh mendapatkannya dalam tempoh yang dekat, kan? Saya, sejak mula menceburkan diri dalam dunia pekerjaan, ibu saya menganggap saya seorang yang sudahpun dewasa, dan boleh bergantung pada diri sendiri untuk menyelesaikan segala jenis masalah yang dihadapi. Sedangkan apa yang saya mahukan, ialah kehidupan remaja seperti kawan-kawan lain, yang masih bermanja dengan orang tua mereka, yang ditatang bagai minyak penuh. Walaupun ramai juga yang mengagumi sikap ‘independent’ saya ini, saya masih tidak berpuas hati. Ini tidak adil. Kenapa aku kena bersusah-payah sedangkan kebanyakan gadis muda umur aku tidak?

“Saya memohon diberi kekuatan,
dan Allah memberikan saya kesulitan agar saya menjadi kuat.
Saya memohon agar menjadi bijaksana,
dan Allah memberi saya masalah untuk diselesaikan.
Saya memohon kekayaan,
dan Allah memberi saya bakat, waktu, kesihatan dan peluang.
Saya memohon keberanian,
dan Allah memberikan hambatan untuk dilewati.
Saya memohon rasa cinta,
dan Allah memberikan orang-orang bermasalah untuk dibantu.
Saya memohon kelebihan,
dan Allah memberi saya jalan untuk menemukannya.

Saya tidak menerima apa pun yang saya minta,
akan tetapi saya menerima semua yang saya butuhkan.”

Dan walaupun ada yang cuba menerangkan, ada masanya hati saya masih belum dapat menerima realiti. Tetapi apa yang saya tahu ialah, everything happens for a reason. Saya bertuah kerana diberi cabaran yang sebegitu hebat pada waktu muda, kerana pada masa hadapan, perkara-perkara sebegini akan membantu saya waktu saya susah.

Jawapan bagi soalan “Kenapa?” yang selalu bermain di minda saya, saya tidak tahu lagi. Apa yang saya tahu, tuhan tidak pernah memberi jawapan yang direct kepada makhluk-makhluk ciptaan-Nya. Nope, belum pernah. Saya masih belum pernah bertemu dengan orang yang bertuah itu.

Sumptuous.

2011-11-26T23:28:00.001+08:00

I’m seriously craving for Kenny Rogers Roasters Quarter Meal.
Kindly feast your eyes upon my cause of existence.

The quarter meal. You get a quarter of roasted chicken (obviously) with
three side dishes of your choice. Add in their signature home-made
muffin and there you have the it! This is what I always order.

As for the side dishes, I will usually get the mac & cheese, simply because
Kenny Rogers makes the serves the best mac and cheese around.

I can guarantee you that.

Halfway through deciding on what to have on my plate, I will have a hard time deciding on these.
They’re both sinfully awesome, what the baked beans with their generous amount of beans
and the simply scrumptious gravy on the mashed? Yeah. It was kind of like choosing
between life and death. But on my next visit, I’m thinking about the mashed
potato and gravy. Please forgive Kenny Rogers Roasters’ spelling mistake.
They did not mean it. As an avid fan, I can assure you that
even the pros make mistakes.

Everyone who knows me is well acknowledged of the fact that I am not a vegetable loving human.
The restaurant actually serves quite a variety of options when it comes to salads,
but this is sort of the only fruits side dish that I would come to savour.
So the final choice would definitely be the fresh fruit salad.
Nothing else.

And not forgetting

Kenny’s home made muffins. There are actually three flavours you can choose from, which are the
Golden Vanilla, Banana Raisin and Chocolate Raisin, but for some reason, the locals seldom have
Banana Raisin in their keepsake. Anyways, I cannot choose a favourite, although I love
chocolate very much, because these are the best muffins I have ever tasted
in my 20 years of age.

Dear partner-in-crime,
remind me to get a dozen of these please.

And no honey, you have yet to see the last of it.

Again, I am torn. I usually get the chocolate, because, well, yes, I like chocolate the best, but the mango one looks stunning as well. Haven’t tasted it yet, I usually order the same thing over and over again.
We’ll see what happens on my next visit to Kenny Rogers. I’m just, so craving for the food that
I made a specially dedicated post about the food.

Dear God, let the meal be the best.

Missing.

2011-11-26T21:56:00.001+08:00

When I was young, I used to sleep in my parents’ bedroom. My mother would lay down a mattress for me, right beside their bed, and my father would read books before he switched off the light. I remember being wildly curious as he flipped pages through pages of old, sweet smelling books – encyclopaedias, Islamic books, ghost stories, Reader’s Digest, comics and even, Walt Disney’s children books. He had a large collection of books, which, half of them, we proudly obtained.

Both my parents have little interest in the current local entertainment scene. They were more into foreign films and music, with a hint of local flavours of Sudirman, P. Ramlee and… Oh, I don’t know. They never brought us to watch local films in the cinemas. Most of our indulgences were Walt Disney animations, Hollywood blockbusters, along with Chinese and Japanese dramas.

My siblings and I would regularly frequent the nearby mosque, in which my father was a regular. On sunny Saturdays, he would spend time decorating the mosque with his own home-grown plants. He loved gardening, how could I forget that. He also loved participating in events at the mosque, at his friends’ kenduri where he helped to do the chores, and he would often bring us little tots along.

I remember being his favourite. I remember that well. I remember wanting to become his all time favourite, even after my youngest brother greeted the world. But I am not sure whether I would still be his favourite if he knew what I have become today.

For the love of my life, he would always, always be my dearest, most beloved person in my life. Always.

You and me.

2011-11-26T21:30:00.001+08:00

Spent the day reminiscing childhood moments.

Does anyone remember this as fondly as I do?

Wants o’ needs.

2011-11-26T18:18:00.003+08:00

I need

a driver’s license to right the wrong,
my own transport that gets me from A to Z,
one stabile job with worthy, monthly paychecks,

and I need

you.

Anthemic meridian.

2011-11-26T18:18:00.001+08:00

We’re just feeling lonely, that’s all.

I used to taste the sweet texture of loneliness lingering around on my tongue once before, and occasionally, I would still bite on the same crunchy emotion when no one is around. Sometimes, the ghost comes to visit. He would usher away anyone who tries to have a decent conversation with me, and keep me company in evil silence. I would just let him be, and allow him to persuade me with whispers of a faux statement, a statement I used to believe in.

“I’m a lone ranger, and I am meant to be alone.”

To cure the broken soul, I would let some depressive toned music in. After a while, acceptance comes to seep. Yes, I am meant to be alone, and no, there is no one left in the world to hold me in the hand as I walk towards an unsure future.

Silly thought, isn’t it? But that was me. That was me. About a few months before, that was recognizably me. At the moment, while waiting for the next degree intake, I am working as a sales consultant in fashion retail, and eventhough I didn’t like the job description at all, I enjoyed consuming in the knowledge of the strange, strange money-oriented industry. I enjoyed meeting people, listening to their stories and sharing a bit of mine with them. In a way, the job is improving my PR skills – which I know is highly sought after these days. Credits reassured to my good friends who assured me that I will never, never never ever be alone anymore, no matter how far I’ve fallen into. I am not alone anymore. And I won’t need to make matters worse, it’s enough for me to share my thoughts to one person who is able to calm me down and make me see things straight again when I am not in my best mood. Trying to make small matters grow into a bigger problem is never a way to heal the broken heart. It just leads to more problems, and I’m afraid the situation will just expand like a bubble does when we blow thin air into them, or like a balloon when it’s filled like gas. If I don’t stop blowing air, they might explode. We don’t want that, do we?

But sure, when my good friend, the ghost comes to visit, I would have a meal with him and we would talk about ourselves. It’s a November Rain world in mine – “everybody needs some time on their own.” And so, I’ll learn to cherish everything now. From the slightest little teardrops to the joys of laughter, they’re all in my life for a reason.

DJ Dif’s.

2011-11-26T13:57:00.001+08:00

Did you know?

One of the most important members of this band is named Soren.

Also the keyboardist, he co-writes and co-produces most of the Aqua’s hit songs,
including the ever so phenomenal (yet controversial) Barbie Doll with the guitarist, Claus Norrean.
In addition, Soren also co-writes and co-produces THIS number.

P/S : He is also happily married to Lene Nystrom, the vocalist. :)

Krisis identiti.

2011-11-22T21:36:00.001+08:00

Yes, challenge accepted. Saya boleh bertukar menjadi seorang perempuan bandar yang cliché, yang gemar menepek bedak setebal 2 inci di muka tak kira di mana saja anda berada, dan pentingkan prinsip style over comfort. Oh ya, saya juga boleh menjadi sangat-sangatlah girlish dan wannabe, sambil posing depan kamera 24 jam untuk dimuatnaik di Facebook buat tatapan rakyat Malaysia. Tak ada masalah. :)

…but the problem is, can they be me?

The note.

2011-11-22T11:07:00.001+08:00

“Never again the smell of smoke it fills your lungs.
Never again choking on the fear of darkness falls.
Never to be held, never to be free,
never hear what they say and NEVER fall for me.
One last kiss to satiate – ten thousand times is not enough.
Closing thine eyes, lost in crimson, trapped in all I despise.

It’s fucking broken.
I never stop hearing the cries.

I found my saviour in these shards of shattered glass.
I am an exit to the blackness.
This is my last hymn to the fallen, not again to touch the sky.

A suicide note lullaby.

Never again everyday we drown in agony.
Never again to taste the sickly sweet of decay.
When you’re laying on the ground, just remember to breathe.

Just breathe.”

#10 Suicide Note Lullaby, We The Fallen (2009).
Performed by Psyclon Nine.

Breathe, evil angel.

2011-11-21T21:59:00.001+08:00

…Yes, yes. I now proudly announce to thee that I am in a mad Gaussian blur. I can’t think straight, I’m not doing anything as properly as I used to, I’m getting scolded under the strictest supervision almost all the time and I … cannot fill in the blanks. Help.

This is crazy, actually. The place where I have often sought for comfort from is someone’s private property now. So I turned to other alternatives, where I knew I would be treated as precious as gold at. But home is not quite the same from the luxurious 5 star hotels I often spend the night at at the moment. Home is humble, warm, welcoming, and most importantly, familiar. Now that home’s nowhere to be found, where do I go now?

Where do I go?

Apparently, straying on the streets is the only option available. Perhaps I will one day find an open window, with bright lights showering outside. Beckoning me to come in, come in, this is where you want to be. And I will politely refuse the kind invitation : “No, I’m waiting for someone to come pick me up,” as much as I realize that I am holding on to an unsure gesture of thought.

Sigh.

White lines.

2011-11-21T07:52:00.001+08:00

“I guess the only thing that could ever make me happy is death – that’s the end of everything. How sad. It used to be you.”

“People would come up to me and tell me that I look sweet when I smile, so I kept on smiling eventhough it hurts. No one would care if I feel sad anyway, so, I smile.

Morbid, much?”

Emptying the hard disk.

2011-11-19T09:27:00.001+08:00

I found the password for my MySpace account, and it is currently in the queue of deletion. Thank goodness! Don’t get me wrong, I actually like to use MySpace, because it’s the home of many, many professional and also amateur musicians whom I so adore. I just don’t find any practical function in the social networking website anymore. What’s the use of leaving it lingering polished in the Net when I have so totally forgotten all about it? Poor thing needs justice. Cancel account!

…how come I seem so happy deleting it, you ask? ;)

P.S. Soren Mohd Noor is not available via MySpace and Twitter anymore.

Your value.

2011-11-16T13:00:00.001+08:00

Yes, I am being reasonable enough to say that I have been fair to both sides. I apologize for all the consequences that has happened in my absence, but you should know that I put my wellness before any other materials in the world. To be specific, money is not important. Money is just a temporary thing that could hurt you when you’ve given it such a high priority. Your health would cost you your life. And now, wouldn’t everyone agree with me when I say that life is the most important element of all?

This recalls me to an incident that happened when I was just, 7, 8 years of age, I think. It was an Islamic studies class, where the teacher wrote questions on the blackboard, and we all copied them off in our brown exercise books. One of the questions that entangled me was, “_______ is the most important thing in the world.” Now, go back to the day when you were still 7 years old and fill in the blank. What’s your vote?

Simple-minded as I am (at that time), I wrote down the word “money”. Cliché, no? And what would be more cliché to think that the answer that got a tick and a star was “life”.

I have been taught to value life over money at such a young age, so why should I change my perspective when I am 20 years old, for the sake of a person who doesn’t even know my name?

Of course, these so-called perspectives can change easily. But as I’ve been saying hundreds of times before, don’t change if you feel that change is not good. All of us are healthy, good minded people. We can differentiate between the right and wrong by ourselves, can’t we? Asking someone to put money on top of life in the list is unreasonable. Please don’t be too money oriented, as important as currency might be in the world. For you, yes, money is everything, but for me, no, money is just something that completes your life. To complete my life, I would need other things too, not just the money.

“"Money is everything", you say?
No, money is just something that completes your life.”

Are you lost? I am, too.

2011-11-14T22:52:00.001+08:00

I do not know how to express this even more deeply, it just sums up to become two very simple words : BE YOURSELF. Yes, be yourself. Not who people want you to be. And also, yes, I am well acknowledged of the fact that we do need directions to find the right way, but aren’t we all smart enough to make decisions on our own?

“Is the path too dark for me?”

“Is it too well-lit?”

“No, I do not want to follow this route. I’m going after another.”

Ask yourself questions. Answer them yourself, while taking in other people’s opinions about you. Please do not blindly turn into someone pink and dainty just because someone doesn’t like your Goth attires. There’s a reason why people don’t like you and you have to think for yourself : Are they REASONABLE enough? The majority isn’t always right, you know. You could be the only person who knows what to do when zombies attack the city.

Be yourself. Enough said.

Jack and Sally.

2011-11-13T10:26:00.001+08:00

My dearest friend,

if you don’t mind, I’d like to join you by your side where we can gaze into the stars. And sit together, now and forever. For it is plain, as anyone can see, we’re simply meant to be.

#18 Finale / Reprise, The Nightmare Before Christmas : Original Motion Picture Soundtrack (1993).
Performed by Danny Elfman, Christine O’Hara and The Citizens of Halloween Town.

The sound.

2011-11-13T09:59:00.001+08:00

“

Eres esa voz que habita en mi, por eso estoy cantado.
Quiero encontrate. Voy a encontrate.

Eres lo que va de mi canción dentro de mi.
Quiero encontrarte. Voy a encontrarte

.”

#13 Lo Que Soy, Don’t Forget Deluxe Edition (2008).
Performed by Demi Lovato.

Sounds of ghost.

2011-10-30T20:02:00.001+08:00

And I might be PERFECT with you but no one would know.

So tell me,

“have you ever really danced on the edge?”
Is something still scaring you?

“have you ever really danced on the edge?
’cause the count of three is on.”

“have you ever really danced on the edge?”
Alright, then tell me so.

     “have you ever really danced on the edge?”

Just hold my hand and GO.

Credits :
#8 The Balcony Scene, Flair For The Dramatic (2007).
Performed by Pierce The Veil.

Encik Anonymous.

2011-10-21T14:38:00.002+08:00

Aku rasa blog ini akan kembali menjadi blog luahan perasaan sahaja buat masa ini. Sebabnya, aku malaslah nak fikir banyak-banyak dan tulis isu yang complicated bagai. Perkara macam tu kena ada kesabaran yang tinggi, sebab aku kena pastikan stail penulisan dan penyampaian yang aku gunakan tak bias melampau-lampau. Kalau tak nanti dapatlah aku beberapa helai "surat cinta" dari Encik Anonymous.

Aku pernah dapat satu komen untuk pos bertajuk Gangguan Senyap Pemberontak. Komen itu, bagi aku, datang dari seorang manusia yang sangat penakut. Masa tu semua pengguna Internet boleh tinggalkan komen tanpa perlu ada permission dari si author yakni aku, tapi lepas dapat komen tu, aku decide yang ada elemen dalam blog ni, aku kena kawal. Komen yang digembar-gemburkan sangat tu berbunyi lebih kurang macam ni : "Apa menanam benih zuriat ni... Ko dah mengandung ke???" Hmm. Okay. Tak. Saya tak mengandung. Seks tu macam mana rasanya pun aku tak tahu. Itu jawapan aku. Tapi aku delete komen tu sebab aku tak nak orang lain fikir macam-macam pasal aku kalau diorang terbaca. Sebenarnya aku tak kisah pun dengan komen macam tu tapi kenapalah kau perlu meng-anonymous-kan diri kau tu? Tak ke nampak macam kau sengaja nak jatuhkan aku, walaupun niat kau sebenarnya baik? Bak kata orang putih, "Well, never mind anyway." Mungkin kau tak tahu yang aku boleh tersinggung dengan komen macam tu. Yelah, aku ni kan cold-hearted?

TAPI keesokan harinya (within hours) aku terima lagi komen yang sama, cuma nadanya lebih menyakitkan hati. "Hehehe dah mengandung le tu..." Aku nak saja marah-marah, memaki hamun, sumpah-seranah semua tapi mari kita dengar nasihat orang tua : "Usah dilayan manusia yang kebudak-budakan ni, cu..." Good advice, old-timer. Sekali lagi, aku delete komen Encik Anonymous. Lepas tu dia tak komen dah, cuma selang beberapa hari lepas kemudian, aku dapat tahu juga siapa manusia bertopeng "anonymous" tu. Amekaw.

Ya, saya mengaku silap saya kerana stail penulisan saya telah mengundang persepsi yang "lain macam" dari segelintir spesis homo sapien yang mendiami planet ini. Saya mohon seribu kemaafan jika selama perjalanan saya dalam bidang blog ini (ehh bajet selebriti sungguh kau ni!), saya ada menyinggung perasaan siapa-siapa yang membaca. Saya open dengan apa saja komen yang ingin dilontarkan, tak kisahlah positif atau negatif, cuma tak perlulah kita ber-anonymous sesama sendiri. Setinggi-tinggi tupai melompat, akhirnya jatuh ke tanah jua. Macamlah kau tak kenal aku. Aku ni supporting kot (whatever)! Last-last terkantoi gak. Saya hanya mampu tersenyum dari jauh.

Hmm, yang aku ni pun satu. Benda yang lama usah dikenang, tapi saya nak mengenangkannya gak buat cerita untuk hari ini, memandangkan saya tengah bosan jaga kedai milik kawan saya. Okay, terima kasih kerana membaca karangan saya yang panjang berjela ni. Konklusi, kesimpulan semua buat sendiri. Dah malas mau menaip. Sekian, terima kasih.

I, true deep blue sea Antagonist.

2011-10-20T12:31:00.000+08:00

Oh well. For all I care, you can call me ungrateful. Because I was ungrateful. WAS.

So I went for this job interview at a store nearby my place, and I expected to get the position I wanted in the administration department. BUT unfortunately, there were no vacancies so the HR personnel wanted to offer me another position.

I was expecting her to say cashier, sales assistant, even cleaner, but no. None of those words blurted out from her lips.

She said : "SUPERVISOR."

*insert cliché "jeng jeng jeng~!!!" sound effect here. Oh, and add in a (O_O) too.

I consider myself to be a penguin. A cute, fat penguin who gets panicked super easily. I was so surprised by what she offered me I just went blank in the head. She continued to talk to me, telling me all this stuffs about what a supervisor's got to do (big words, man. big words) and I just listened intently, still in utter shock. After a few minutes, I stepped out of the office, saying, "I need to give it a thought."

And then panicked away at the supermarket to call someone who always knows what to say (most of the time).

Career-wise, I have always been the daredevil who likes to jump into new situations without knowing what's going to happen in the future. I like to go with the flow. That's how I roll. It's a good thing, because when I do that, I am able to experience many new things. Sure, there were those brick-a-bracks when the job is too tiring, the pay is not worth it and such, but what the hell. It was never about the money. It was always about the experience. I like to think that, I'm doing this for myself, and in the end of the day, the sum of money that you pay me doesn't mean a thing at all. I do it for the sake of life.

Yes, yes, money is important but let's talk about that another day.

Anyway, while I was panicking away, I realized that I hadn't been grateful enough to God all this while. I've always been lucky. Not everyone at my age gets the opportunities I got, even more so if you're like me - contactless. No one to help me to boost my career except myself. And I didn't even pass a token of appreciation to those who have helped me, and especially to God.

I was once a twisted minded kiddo. I didn't feel that God is being fair to me. Well, would you look at me now, all blushing red to think that I've been given so many things and yet, too egoistic to say "thank you" or "alhamdulillah".

Alhamdulillah, saya sedar mana silap saya sekarang. Terima kasih, tuhan.

lovemspenny

2011-10-20T08:59:00.001+08:00

When Miss Perri first belted out a depressing, melancholic tune called Jar Of Hearts, I thought she was just another typical new singer-songwriter with a hit song. Not worth to be served in memory. But, in some sort of twist, I listened to Arms and instantly fell in love with the song. It was at that moment, when I self-voluntarily admitted that I am a big fan of Miss Perri.

Anyway, the rest was history. I got her album lovestrong. and was promptly excited when she released a new lyrics video, A Thousand Years. The song was harder to consume than Arms, I listened to it a couple of times before I find myself liking it. So here’s presenting A Thousand Years, my new favourite song.

P.S. Recommended songs from her lovestrong. album : Arms, Distance and Bluebird. Enjoy.

Starlight stalker.

2011-10-19T12:29:00.001+08:00

Peringatan : Alunan ini sekadar untuk bermain kata. Tiada maksud yang mendalam, tiada kaitan dengan yang masih hidup atau yang sudah mati (okey, tipu - adalah sikit). Diinspirasi dari tulisan tangan Cik Mimi, musik Encik Sam dan kata-kata si Myo, thus the title.

“

Ada sesetengah perkara kita kena simpan dalam hati, tak
perlulah dikemukakan di Facebook, Twitter, Blogger,
Tumblr dan sebagainya…. :)

p.s. oleh itu akan ku simpan diri mu di dalam hati ini, biar tak terkeluar,
biar tak ternampak supaya tiada siapa yang boleh merampas kamu dariku! ;)

”

Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream.

2011-10-19T12:26:00.001+08:00

Sitting down, I think about all the things that have been happening to me in these recent days. I find myself thinking about the past and the future. My past and our future, to be precise. I am always afraid that the past will come back to hurt me, to seek for redemption. I think about the times when I chose to give up on You, merely due to the reason that it seems to me, You like to leave my prayers unattended. After all those thoughts, I came to a conclusion that is personally, fair enough for all of us to take part in.

There must be a reason to this, no matter how many cuts I repeat, there must be a reason. Anonymous, muted, that can only be understood in the words of the heart. Press REPEAT to this.

Everything had been rather surreal lately. It was something I never thought I could reach with my two bare hands, so when I felt the warmth at the tip of my skin, a sense of insecurity clouded upon me. Just like a dream, this imaginary sensation would fade away anytime soon. I refuse to wake up in the daylight, just to have it fade away. I do not want to the sentence, “I have been dreaming” to pass through my lips again.

I have this thing about the dreams I experience. It’s like a playground of the mind, a place where you escape to from the big bad wolf and seek solace from. Those things you dream about, it’s the result of the windows of the world distorting the images you are familiar with into a sense of emotion. That’s why you dream about joy, fear, hopes, and even your own dreams. Inception, much?

In my serial dreams, I saw a house on top of the hill. I could feel the frost biting into my bones, naturally, and I strived to open the door from a distance.Unfortunately, the imaginary cottons would disappear into thin air whenever I was close. Welcome back to the real world.

Ever since the day you came into the picture, I don’t have dreams about the house anymore. Funny.

Reason #2.

2011-10-08T13:43:00.001+08:00

So how did I spend my day?

-- TweetDeck.
omg have you no life???

Before I start the next post, I need to ask for a favour. Kindly remind me to change the layout if I experience yet another writer’s block. Thank you.

Anyway,

my friends used to read my diary (handwritten) when I was still in school. They did not give me a solid reason why, but I guess they liked the way I address the issues – eventhough back in those days, I mostly wrote about how my day went and my social life. Boring.

Regardless to the content, they still liked reading my diary.

Even when I was in primary school, I like to write – a lot. I used to buy the sixty-cents worth of brown exercise book (or fondly known as the “buku latihan”) every single day so that I can write. And if I can still remember as clearly as ever, at that time, I was writing short stories. Long stories, occasionally, but I never finished the long ones. Now that I think of it, where was my collection of shorts? Pity I lost them. Could’ve published a book of my own. *daydreams away

Time passes by, and everyone is attached to the Internet nowadays. Me, I found a quiet little website called Blogger. What is you see now, is the result of how the people around me treated my writings.

And that is the other answer of why I have a blog. :)

Part 2. A Man Like Me.

2011-10-08T11:56:00.001+08:00

Well, I’m going to get a few thumbs down for listening to a song with such blasphemic title, but I can’t help liking this song since my friend introduced this to me. Honey, bear with me. You do like me unexpected, remember? ;)

So, unlike the earlier part of the duo, I’m going to get a bit more serious and organized in here.

Topic of the day : I do not appreciate ethnocentrism.

Elie Wiesel is a Holocaust survivor. He is a writer. He is also a Jewish. And the best part is, his birthday date is 10 days away from mine. Okay. Not funny. I know. I’m not born a natural joker. Anyway, there’s this quote of his that I really like. It goes something like this :

"No human race is superior; no religious faith is inferior. All collective judgments are wrong. Only racists make them."

If you ever know who I am, you will know that I live in Malaysia, a country occupied with many different skin colours and many, MANY different places of worship. I think it’s beautiful how we Malaysians can live as a community peacefully eventhough we don’t always agree with each other. Sure, we have issues with our political system, hak sama rata (translates to “equal rights”), crimes and whatnots, but which country doesn’t? You still have to return to the fact that despite all the misunderstandings and problems, we do not assassinate when a problem comes-a-rolling. Bottom line is, we the damned united. That’s really rare, you know?

I was born a Malay, and made a Muslim, which means, I am the follower of Islam. But, since the moment I was able to differentiate between the good and the bad clearly (I think I was about 15, 16 that time?), I have never liked to go to Islamic studies classes. These classes are necessary for Muslim students in Malaysia to follow, from primary school (that is 6 years) to secondary school (another 5 years, 6 if you enrol in Form 6). Total, I have been to Islamic studies classes for 11 years, 12 and a half if you count CTU classes I register for at the university. Again, I repeat :

I do not like Islamic studies class.

No, it’s not because I do not like the religion itself. It’s the teachers whom I do not approve of. In reality, I have never met an ustaz or ustazah (male of female teacher who teaches Islamic studies) who doesn’t use the word “kafir” to address our fellow non-Muslim friends. I don’t like it. At all. I think it’s very ethnocentric.

No matter which religion you choose to put your faith in, and if you are a true believer of God, you should always, always remember that all of us are God’s creations. Humans of different skin colours, animals of different species, plants of different flowers, etc. we are all God’s children. Think of it this way : All the humans in the world are connected to each other. We are one big family. As a believer of Islam, I do have faith that God is fair. He doesn’t judge us based on the religions printed on our identity certifications. It’s all about your heart.

“If I do good, I feel good. If I do bad, I feel bad. THAT is my religion,” says Abraham Lincoln, the 16th president of the United States.

Abraham Lincoln, on the other hand, is very private about his beliefs, and he does respect other people’s choice of faith. Well, that’s okay. I, too, believe that your faith towards God is something personal, something you could not fully explain to other people. That’s between you and your Maker. As long as you do no harm to other people’s beliefs, we will, and always will be, one big happy family.

Do not be a racist. Respect.

Part I : A Man Like Me.

2011-10-08T11:00:00.001+08:00

I didn’t really mean to make any major changes at all, but I was playing around with different layouts, so here’s how it went. The space is splashed with maroon. Getting tired of monochrome lately, to be frank.

It’s easy to love, but it was never easy to forget. Thus, you can still see hints of blacks and whites. Always, always my favourite shades.

These days, I struggled to type. Yes, struggled. No, I’m not exaggerating. It’s true. There’s a lot of things that have been going through my mind, but none of them made it to the top of the hill. Perhaps they were meant to be kept away to dust, still, I have the urge to address the issues. They’re important, I believe. Now that I think of it, maybe I should find a partner. Everyone whom I chose to pour my heart’s contents to are so far away from me now. This is what I hate about universities. You find so many good friends, so many inspiring people, but at the end of the day, each of you will grab your backpacks and leave. We have different lives. I choose to go down the road, you choose to climb the hill. The only person whom we can really rely on all the time is us alone. You. As a singular.

Of course, you have God sticking out to you all the time. That’s another “person”, “being”, etc. you can really on. That is, if you believe God exists.

Well, I’m sorry for saying that. But one thing everyone should understand is, not everyone believes in the existence of God, so I’m keeping the options open. Me, yes, I believe in God. Some of my friends don’t. It doesn’t matter. Not a problem. We all have different roads to follow, remember?

So recently, I’ve been surrounded with many different emotions, submerging from me, myself and I, as well as the others around me. I do not wish to concentrate of meself this time, I just want to talk about all of you. So hey, how are you? Some of you might be fine and dandy, “never been better,” cliché, but a good cliché. I actually like clichés, and that is not something that you might expect from me. Cliché is good for the soul, but too much clichés make me cringe in my deathbed.

As you can see, I’m not thinking straight. This is rather a mess, but I like this mess.

…to be continued. Go up.

p.s. this is really, actually a post about me changing the blog layout. nothing more.

Nothing kills us anymo.

2011-10-05T14:47:00.001+08:00

Hujan. Batuk. Sebuah lagu bernama “the art of suicide” dendangan Emilie Autumn. Mendung hari ini sesuai untuk kita berbahasa. Dan aku masih di sini, menanti deringan telefon bimbit yang akan menyambutku dengan kata-kata :

“Bila boleh mula?”

Serius aku kemaruk mahu bekerja di sesebuah kawasan yang

strange. cukup strange.

“Why live a life?” tanya Emilie Autumn pula. CIS!

Morning playlist.

2011-10-05T09:20:00.001+08:00

One problem I have with Indonesian songs is that sometimes I could not understand the lyrics well. They can be too subtle, like this song itself. Still, the melody is enchanting. I like the vocals and music arrangements. They just compliment each other in a way you get swayed so easily in your own mind.

Here’s to a thousand years of blissful days.

I’m getting old.

2011-10-04T16:26:00.001+08:00

Well it so happens that Lady Gaga and I have something in common
– we both love Neil Young’s rendition of Heart Of Gold.

Enjoy, ladies and gentlemen.

This is, the art of suicide.

2011-09-30T13:45:00.001+08:00

I have voluntarily, single-handedly turned the table around.
There is no one left to blame.

The never ending story.

2011-09-30T06:31:00.001+08:00

Looking forward to the six-month break, actually. I need some time for myself to sleep, but I know what I’ll be doing most of the time – working. This is how my life is, in reality. It is not a fairy-tale. I have been learning how to live with it and so far, I survived. Still, I do secretly yearn for an innocent month of winter.

“If I was ever a bird, I would be a raven.
Impossible. I could never be a dove,
all the more so to wish.”

Nee. Daijyobu. Shimpai shinaide!

Shh… Diam!

2011-09-25T04:09:00.001+08:00

Sebenarnya saya ni tak pandai bercerita, lagi-lagi bila cerita tu ada kaitan pasal soal hati dan perasaan. Sebab tu saya suka lagu, sebab tu Twitter saya lebih banyak tajuk lagu dari barisan ayat yang senang difahami maksudnya. Yang faham, mereka akan terangguk-angguk (atau geleng-geleng “ish ish ish budak ni…”). Yang tak faham pula selalunya akan ingat saya suka dengar lagu tu sebab lagu tu sedap, habis. Done.

君.

1. All About Your Heart, Mindy Gledhill.
I’ve loved you from the start, in every single way, and more each passing day.

2. Lagu Untukmu, Meet Uncle Hussein.
Berbeza engkau dan juga aku. Dua hati yang tak mungkin bersatu.

3. The Blower’s Daughter, Damien Rice.
Did I say that I loathe you? Did I say that I want to leave it all behind?

4. Arms, Christina Perri.
I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone.

5. Wonderwall, Oasis.
I don’t believe that anybody feels the way I do about you now.

7. Over, Fynn Jamal.
Are you really sure that we’re off better and over?

8. Please Forgive Me, Bryan Adams.
The one thing I depend on, is for us to stay strong.

9. You And I, Lady Gaga.
This time I’m not leaving without you.

私.

Well, darling, you are

When I was younger, I saw my Daddy cry and curse at the wind.
He broke his own heart and I watched as he tried to reassemble it.
And my Mama swore that she would never let herself forget.

And that was the day that I promised,
”I’d never sing of love if it does not exist.”

But darling, you are the only exception.

Maybe I know somewhere deep in my soul that love never lasts.
And we’ve got to find other ways to make it alone but keep a straight face.
And I’ve always lived like this keeping a comfortable distance.
And up until now, I had sworn to myself that I’m content with loneliness
because none of it was ever worth the risk.

Well, you are the only exception.

I’ve got a tight grip on reality but I can’t let go of what’s in front of me here.
I know you’re leaving in the morning when you wake up.
Leave me with some kind of proof it’s not a dream.

You are the only exception, and I’m on my way to believe it.

Call it anything but love.

2011-09-25T01:56:00.001+08:00

I like the video. It’s nicely made.

And of course, the song is just lovely.

And in case you were wondering like my friend Oman was,
no, I didn’t have a good birthday week.

I thought that, just spending the day with you was enough.

2011-09-23T07:27:00.001+08:00

Instead of soaking myself in guilt and defeat,

I’m going to the nearest cake shop and get myself
the birthday cake I forgot about three days ago.

Time to fix things right, when time doesn’t even notice.

Romantic, isn’t it?

2011-09-22T19:23:00.001+08:00

I recently came across the song Who Says performed by Selena Gomez & The Scene. Now, I must declare that I used to be against the song. I mean, come on, it’s so easy to sing it when you’re already a celebrity in Hollywood, but a couple hours later, I changed my mind. And I’m not going to merely credit the band for making the song edible, I’m going to forward my outmost appreciation to Priscilla Renea and Emanuel Kiriakou, the writers of the song (note : Kiriakou is also the producer). Thank you for making my day better after someone told me that, I need to change.

There’s this line in Who Says which goes something like this : “…I’m no beauty queen. I’m just beautiful me.” It grew to become such an inspiration to me, makes me realize that, hey, I am beautiful, especially when I am not ashamed to be myself. I noticed that there are people who treat life as a beauty pageant, we have to fight with one another in order to be dubbed “beauty queen”. Here I go, admitting that I used to be a contestant in that beauty pageant, that was the past, but after a while competing, it just hit me that life is not a competition. Life is about making an effort to live with each other, and to believe in the people around you. It was never, ever a competition. That’s why I changed into the “me” you know so well. Some people like it, but most people don’t. Oh well. You can’t please anyone.

I refuse to be someone that I am not comfortable to become,
I refuse to be what people want me to be because I am happy to be me.
I refuse to be someone who pretends that everything is okay when it’s not,

Hey Soren, do you ever listen to anything other than your own voice?

I do. I really do. I still listen to other people’s advices, but look at me. I’m officially twenty years old two days ago, and I am sure that I know how to judge between the good and the bad. Sometimes, you have to realize that no matter how much you know me so well, there are things about me that you just don’t know, you know? Have a little faith in me. I know what I’m doing.

I do have my own share of wrongdoings. For that, I apologize. I never meant to hurt you, but I did. I’m sorry. What I need you to know is just that, I can’t be who you are. I have my own goals in life, so do you. I just want to walk through that path peacefully, without you judging me when I fall down and bleed my knee. And I still hope that we could still walk together side by side as we make our ways to, somewhere only we know.

Truth is,

2011-09-21T19:35:00.001+08:00

I had this one on repeat since a few days ago. What a nice tune. :)

A living dead girl.

2011-09-16T19:25:00.001+08:00

Dear blog,

I will write more soon – as soon as the 27th this month.
It’s not like I don’t have the passion to write anything essay-long anymore,
I’m just too busy fixating on my student life, social life, love life (if I ever have one which I don’t)
and everything else in between.

For now, enjoy this song, a swift reference to the famous Cabinet Of Dr Caligari
and in particular, the German Expressionism era. Think I’ve fallen in love with that.

Regardless of what anyone may say,
I enjoy “heavy” music. If you don’t,
let’s still be friends and more.

Warmth.

2011-09-11T23:39:00.001+08:00

I have so many to say about my unexpected,
48-hour trip to Cameron Highlands, but I like
to keep warm, frost-biting memories to myself.
So, I’ll leave this picture of Soto-san (the proud,
self-acclaimed mascot of Cameron Highlands) to
describe my, ahem, feelings.

Regardless to say, if Cameron Highlands was a man,
I would fall in love with him at first sight, marry him
and live with him until the end of my days.

Anyone?

We The Fallen.

2011-09-07T16:44:00.001+08:00

In the mood for nothing except for this :

We The Fallen, a 2009-released album by the band Psyclon Nine.

Not advisable for humans who have dedicated all their lives to radio music and consider screams to be noise. Personally, I like the music arrangements, am not much into constant screams and shrieks in a song but hey, Psyclon Nine really knows how to blend it in with the beats and rhythms – which is why I am a fan. Sadly, they’ve disbanded due to the vocalist’s drug addiction problems.

Try We The Fallen for starters, and for a more “generally acceptable” tune, listen to Under The Judas Tree.

Fin.

Immortal much?

2011-09-04T14:42:00.001+08:00

Came across this while listening to Love Less,
the third track from the New Order’s 1989 album Technique.

We start lovely September by being pretty. ;)

2011-09-02T13:39:00.001+08:00

This is the end, and it’s a happy ending too.

Girls, please do not make such a huge fuss over all the pimples, spots, scars, blemishes, whatsoever you find on your face. It’s not going to kill you if you know how to defend yourself. Read a lot of articles from newspapers, magazines, Internet, wherever you can find an article, and learn. Beauty products work if you choose the right ones, because each of them is designed for certain skin types, so go seek help from professionals, or plain, someone who has more knowledge under his / her belt. Most importantly, remember not to put too much makeup on your face. It makes you look extra retarded. Experiment if you have the urge to, but play safe as you go along with it. Last but not least,

please stop worshipping the Photoshopped models in advertisements. Most of them do have flawless skin, so do the celebrities, so you might want to ask them how they have come to reach such achievements. In your end, you will realize that PHYSICAL beauty comes with great pain, while inner beauty doesn’t.

P.S. It’s a good practice to wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and smile to yourself that you are beautiful in your own practical way. I do that all the time. ;)

When nothing is better than something.

2011-09-02T11:21:00.001+08:00

…is currently undergoing a restraining order,
of not saying anything should one have nothing good to say.

The wmp, on the other hand,
is set in a nocturnal-numbered shuffle mode,
playing mp3s from the mainstream hollywood music folder.

with this, i can pat myself on the shoulder a few times,
and be extra convinced that it is a good therapy,
and a good choice made indeed.

“i have nothing to prove to anyone. at least, not to you.”
oh wait, i do.

A static virtue.

2011-08-29T22:43:00.001+08:00

While others are busy spending the last night of Ramadhan with beloved next-of-kins in their hometowns, I am sitting here very comfortably in my bedroom, listening to Christina Perri’s lovestrong. album and typing the keyboard away. Your truly is lacking enthusiasm to celebrate Eid tomorrow while her sister models her new pair of baju raya in a happi-happi mode. Help.

For all I know, I have finally found the missing piece in my puzzle (is currently waiting for the piece to come home to me – I can’t wait), and I have (perhaps) changed into a better person. Now, the only thing that is missing, is the heart. Where are you?

Maybe it’s in my nature to be unable to feel anything relating to celebrations, as I, for one, presume that everyday is the same to pass by. You want to make changes? You can make changes NOW, instead of waiting for “happy-let’s-change-day” to come a knocking. Or most possibly, it is my s0-called nature to repel against anything “happy”. It’s really hard for me to feel happy for anyone, I am a green string of a been who is waiting for someone to cook me into something delicious and edible. Chomp! Smack! Nom nom. Yum.

Maybe I should get married and have kids. Yeah.

This little blue bird came looking for you.

2011-08-29T22:09:00.001+08:00

Just to say,

I am now actively tending to a little blue bird.
I call her Twitter, by the way. :)

It is more fun than Facebook, because I can blab about
whatever I want and NOT care about the responses.

Good self-promotion, no? x)

Morbid thoughts.

2011-08-26T04:20:00.001+08:00

I am the supreme egoist. I am the analyst.

I am the bastard who perceives everyone else sinful,
whilst I go to heaven,
taking the hands of the ones I adore.

I am one of the damned,
the one who doesn’t take “no” for an answer
especially if the question is related to “me”.

I am your outmost gorish nightmare.
A fallen angel who seeks out for revenge
and the angel knows,
oh yes, she knows this so well,
that one day we shall all burn inside the fires
of a thousand suns.

For all I care, I am the ignorant.
The negative charge of your polar.
The doppelganger amongst your theorist.

I am
last but not least,
the devil’s advocate.
How do you do?

Domestic violence awareness.

2011-08-20T15:21:00.001+08:00

Honey, didn’t you know?

Everytime you scream at her,
there’s another man wishing
he could whisper in her ears.

When you humiliate, offend and insult her
there’s another man wishing
he could hug the pain away.

And when you make her cry,
there is, always, another man
wanting to steal smiles from her.

No, you didn’t know.

And you’ll never know what you’ve got
til it’s gone.

P.S. This goes to the ladies as well, not just the gents.
All credits to Miss Vera Phung for posting this.
Thank you very, very much. ;)

Liberal seorang egois.

2011-08-20T00:47:00.001+08:00

"Kami nak pergi masjid. Nak ikut ke nak tinggal dekat padang?"

"...Oh. Hmm."

Pandanganku dialihkan ke belakang. Kawan-kawannya tidak mahu turut serta ke masjid. Mereka lebih suka bersembang-sembang kosong dan mendengar bacaan Al-Quran dari luar. Macam mana ni? Aku dengan keadaan macam ni, yang sudah lama meninggalkan tuntutan agamaku, ada hati pula mahu menapak ke dalam tempat orang Islam beribadat. Tapi takkan aku rela ditinggalkan begitu saja berseorang di sini. Aku tak kenal kawan-kawannya.

"Nak ikut?" Soalan yang sama diulangi lagi, kali ini lebih menekan. Kemungkinan besar kerana waktu solat Maghrib sudah hampir tamat.

Aku sekadar mengangguk. Dalam fikiranku, aku memplot sebuah rancangan untuk duduk menunggu di kaki lima masjid sementara dia dan rakan-rakannya menunaikan solat. Itu lebih baik dari duduk bersendirian bersama orang yang tidak dikenali. Awkward jadinya nanti. Ikut sajalah. Apa salahnya? Yang aku tinggalkan hanyalah agama, aku masih belum lagi meninggalkan tuhan.

Bukankah selama ini tuhan yang selalu meninggalkan aku?

Pelik bin ajaib sungguh. Ada satu perasaan maha kagum yang mendidih di dalam darah semakin aku mendekati masjid biru tersebut. Alunan azan kedengaran begitu merdu, begitu lunak sekali. Segalanya indah menelan kegelapan malam di tebing atmosferaku. Untuk sekian lamanya, perasaan itu kembali.

Dalam hati aku bermonolog : Aku rasa, aku mahu pergi lebih dekat lagi. Dekat, dekat. Aku mahu turut merasai kemanisan iman yang ku dengar, lebih berbekas di deria berbanding madu lebah, mahupun kurma yang terhasil dari air tangan kekasih tercinta. Dekat. Rentak langkahnya juga semakin perlahan merapatiku, dan ada satu momen; satu momen asing di mana tangannya cuba mencuri sedikit ruang di celah jari jemarinya. Mari dekat, suara hatinya berdetik. Mari. Kita masuk menghadap Allah bersama-sama. Jangan risau. Aku ada.

Mari.

"Ni, kamu."

Eh?

"Ni, mana tudung? Kenapa awak tak pakai tudung ni?"

Oh. terima kasih banyak-banyaklah, pakcik sekuriti. Segala lamunan, segala igauan yang kurasakan tadi terbantut di situ. Aku hanya mampu memandang pakcik itu dengan lemah, yang kemudiannya bertukar menjadi marah. Marah tidak bertempat, tegur akal logikku. Sesungguhnya, egoku lebih berkuasa mengambil takhta di hati berbanding si akal kerdil.

"Oh. Kena pakai tudung ke?" Selamba saja aku bertanya. Geram. Marah. Sedih. Kecewa. Semua ada, semua bercampur gaul menghasilkan satu rasa yang tengik di dalam hati. Manakala si dia, si dia yang cuba mencapai tanganku tadi sudah semakin jauh melangkah ke dalam masjid.

Semakin jauh meninggalkanku, sepertimana Kau tinggalkan aku.

"Kenalah. Ini masjid."

Kata-kata pakcik itu tersusun, namun tegas. Ketegasannya membuatkan aku menyampah, walaupun aku sedar yang kata-katanya lebih daripada benar. Energi spiritual yang ku rasakan tadi hilang entah ke mana. Macam aku kisah dia nak melayang ke mana pun. Boleh blahlah.

"Okey. Tak apalah. Saya tunggu luar."

"Nak masuk, masuklah. Ini kan masjid. Cuma kamu kena pakai tudung. Tutup aurat. Minta sesiapa tolong ambilkan telekung di dalam, kemudian kamu pakai dan kamu boleh masuk."

"Hmm. Tak apalah."

Aku menyusun langkah deras ke arah parkir kereta. Sekarang ni, aku cuma mahu menunggu rakan-rakanku selesai menunaikan solat, kemudian kami akan kembali ke padang tadi untuk berborak kosong. Berborak tentang hal duniawi. Lupakan hal keagamaan. Aku mahu lupakan hal itu.

Ya tuhanku, ini apa yang Kau mahukan. Aku sudah kembali ke jalan yang aku lalu selama ini.

Sedang aku menunggu, mengelamun panjang tentang nasibku tidak dibenarkan untuk masuk ke dalam masjid, beberapa orang wanita Eropah yang berpakaian seperti biarawati menegurku. Mereka bertanya mengapa aku bersendirian dan bukan berada di dalam masjid.

"Saya tidak berhijab. Sebab itulah. Kalau nak masuk masjid kena tutup aurat."

Para biarawati bertambah kerut di muka mereka. Lalu mereka mengajak aku berteduh di gereja sementara menunggu rakanku. Aku hanya mampu tersenyum kelat.

Di mana Kau sebenarnya ni, tuhan?

These are the days.

2011-08-19T01:14:00.001+08:00

I feel happy and blessed. August had been such a drag for me that I sort of lost hope to all sorts of happiness this month. But but but, someone has been such a darling to me, my friends are such good sports and my assignments are interesting enough to keep me balanced (although I often procrastinate). The two things that lifted me spirits up the most, though :

My first short film (which is oh-so-amateur and “main taram aja punya production” anyway), SCENE will be screened at the Thai Short Film & Video Festival 2011 this 23rd of August. Thank you, Amir Muhammad, for this fine opportunity AND credits to those who have helped me out a lot during the production – Amirul Hafiz, Isyraqi Yahya, Nazatul Lockman, Reza Al-Aqib, Ikmal, Ridhwan Saidi, Fasyali Fadzly. Not forgetting all the others who have given me advices and tips on filmmaking – my lecturers, Encik Erman, Encik Hassan and Encik Norman, fellow friends – Muz and Shah, and and and….

I could really go on for a long walk with the “thank you”s. You know who you darlings are. :)

And this, ladies and gentleman, is a PSA me and my friends shot for
DiGi MyPhone Shorties competition, using the IPhone 4 they provided us with.

I am never a fan of the voting system, I do believe that the vote-to-win thing is merely a popularity contest. But as pathetic as it might sound (when it’s me who’s saying this), 40% of the overall marks depends heavily on the number of ‘like’s we gain on the YouTube video. Typically saying : “You can click ‘like’ if, and only IF you feel that it’s worth the time. You can even click ‘dislike’ for all I care. What I know is, this is the end result of Soren, Tarmizi and Hafiz’s job well done. We are proud, honestly proud of what we have achieved this time around.”

Things are looking great for me and I intend to keep it that way. Wish me luck, on everything. :)

DiGi MyPhone Shorties Competition.

2011-08-19T01:12:00.001+08:00

Hello!

Some time back, my friends and I took part in the DiGi MyPhone Shorties competition, in which we were provided with an IPhone 4 and required to do a PSA addressing our thanks to Malaysia using the gadget. These are the works of my friends and one group from KLMU, I really do like them. :)

8Eight Production.
Note : I used to have this perception that a clichéd storyline makes a video mundane,
but thanks to this, I realized that if you have a good sense in designing the visuals,
even the cliché-est idea can be attractive. :)

Bilaadacan Production.
Note : I like Fasyali and Muz’s acting. Didn’t think that
Muz could pull off a character like this! xD

Bilaadacan Production juga. ;)
Note : Muz in his element, yet again. This one is directed
by Al Hafiz while Belacan is directed by Ande.

Paku Karat Production from KLMU. :)
Note : This one is from KLMU. I like their efforts.
That’s why this PSA is one of my favourites.

40% of the overall marks depends heavily on the number of ‘like’s on the YouTube video. If you would like to help in, watch these videos and feel free to click the ‘like’ button if you want to. Just a reminder : You have to have a YouTube account in order to ‘like’. There are also other PSAs from UiTM Puncak Perdana, KLMU and LimKokWing. Just type in terima kasih malaysia digi myphone shorties in YouTube and you will stumble upon the other videos. These 4, by far, are my favourite ones.

Good luck to each of us. Make Malaysia proud with our “Terima kasih Malaysia” PSAs!

PSA.

2011-08-18T13:31:00.001+08:00

Agak tensen di situ apabila kedua-dua jaringan
telekomunikasi (Internet dan telefon) tidak
berfungsi dengan baik.

Sekiyan terima kaseh.

saye yang sedang kemengongan,
empunye belog.

Headache.

2011-08-17T15:59:00.001+08:00

I have a dead-end principle, a dead-end ego and I am not afraid to cross the line.
…
Wait. I lied. I am afraid to cross the line. I don’t like spotlights on me much.

Que sera sera, whatever will be shall be.

Lovestrong.

2011-08-13T12:17:00.001+08:00

Lovestrong.

an album consisting of 12 lovely tunes by Christina Perri.

it Rains Heavily in its Means.

2011-08-13T04:02:00.001+08:00

“I would very much like to sit in the sun
under the shade of an old tree
with you, of course
and hum you this tune.

I would mean every word
that escaped from my throat.”

To begin with, I’ve had those days of glancing upwards to the sky, praying for God to give me what I wanted. I would pray hard, so hard, out loud most of the times. It’s a gesture of showing God that I really wanted this so bad. But three times, for three times, He denied my wishes. “No,” He firmly says. “Not that. And not those too. No.”

My favourite number have always been 4. I don’t clearly remember why. It’s just that I’ve always perceived the number 4 as my good luck charm. And this is the 4th time I found what my heart desire for. Unlike the earlier days, I didn’t pray for it. I have my ego, and God has His. This time, I don’t intend to get on my knees. Honey, don’t You know that my legs are sore already?

I think You do.

And this time around, He seems to be considering my silent prayer. Things have been going great, honestly, and I thank God for that. It’s just that I need to tiptoe, make very careful steps in order to get what I want. No. It’s not what I want. It’s what I need.

The reason why I never got my wish granted was simply because I didn’t need those things. I wanted them. They’ll be a waste for me. Someone could do a better use on those subjects. Now I see, that this is what I need.

It’s just that I’m scared stiff of it.

Aktivitian seharian.

2011-08-12T10:34:00.001+08:00

“
Start.

Google Chrome.

www.google.com.

propoganda

“Showing results of propaganda. Search instead for propoganda.

Propaganda – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia.

Propaganda.

Propaganda is a form of communication that is aimed at influencing the attitude of a community toward some cause or position so as to benefit oneself.

As opposed to impartially providing information, propaganda, in its most basic sense, presents information primarily to influence an audience. Propaganda is often biased, with facts selectively presented (thus possibly lying by omission) to encourage a particular synthesis, or uses loaded messages to produce an emotional rather than rational response to the information presented. The desired result is a change of the attitude toward the subject in the target audience to further a political, or other type of agenda. Propaganda can be used as a form of political warfare.

While the term propaganda has acquired a strongly negative connotation by association with its most manipulative and jingoistic examples, propaganda in its original sense was neutral, and could refer to uses that were generally benign or innocuous, such as public health recommendations, signs encouraging citizens to participate in a census or election, or messages encouraging persons to report crimes to the police, among others.

”

Pout!

2011-08-09T02:11:00.001+08:00

Little did I realize that, there are people who just can’t handle the thought of someone else being in the spotlight, even if it’s for a few seconds. These kind of humans, they had to be at the centre of attention all the time. Oh my. How tiring. I heard that even big, Hollywood celebrities need to take a break from all those shenanigans sometimes. Can’t believe that a regular, everyday person has the desire to be under camera surveillance and adult supervision all the time. How childish.

Nak buat macam mana. Orang ketandusan kasih sayang. Macam tulah. :)

“The best manager England never had.”

2011-08-09T00:56:00.001+08:00

The Damned United
directed by Tom Hooper,
2009.

P.S. Scene yang last sangat comel. :)

A lyrical poetry.

2011-08-06T21:22:00.001+08:00

For the time being,
this is my drug.

L’Arc~en~Ciel’s 2005 released tenth album,
Awake.

This is where I go when I can’t go to anyone else.

Saying it well, saying it beautifully.

2011-08-06T21:13:00.001+08:00

You know, if things are really happening the way I think they are happening, I’m better off hanging myself at a noose like Grace did when Uncle Bully raped her. Maybe I could die in peace.

Oh wait, that sounds very much like suicide. It’s a very extreme solution that leads to unsolved problems, and it has a bad reputation for making matters worse. No, no. I’d need to find another solvent to heal the wound. A temporary one, which lets me off the hook for a while. Oh, I know. I should run away from this place. Hey, why didn’t I think of this before? I’m good at that. In fact, next time someone asks me what’s my expertise, I’ll just tell them that “escapism” is my professionalism.

Dear God, You are big, bad bully. I mean it.

P.S. Sometimes, I feel so darn proud with myself when I think of all my problems, and the undeniable fact that I am free from cigarettes, alcohol and drugs. No offense, I don’t mean any harm to those who smoke, do drugs and drink alcohol. It’s just that, those stuffs are always the things that people would tell you to stay away from,simply because it’s not healthy. And if you have ever heard my stories, you would most probably presume that I do at least one. But I don’t. I’m clean. And it’s something that I value.

I thank goodness for the father I was bestowed with, eventhough he had passed away when I was a decade years of age. I wouldn’t want any father other than himself.

If this was yours.

2011-08-04T22:31:00.001+08:00

“Why are you so far away?” she said.
“Why won’t you ever know that I’m in love with you?”

#9 Just Like Heaven
( The Cure, 1987.)

If we go out.

2011-08-04T07:27:00.001+08:00

I am the type of person, who is able to give life to a human being.
I am the type of girl, who will appreciate a candle until its light fades.
I am the type of friend, who makes mistakes sometimes. Or often.
I am the type of human, who believes that she has a special relationship with God.

Then again, everyone does.

I like the weather this morning. It’s definitely my cup of tea. And I thank god for it. These few days weren’t my best, that I desperately long for a second to breathe. Things wasn’t going so good the night before, too, although I had finally been able to rekindle the light of a wet log. I still felt, distant from space and time. It definitely helped that the stars were burning bright last night, and this morning,

my wish came true, finally. I woke up to a fresh start, with the rain tingling in the scents. How serene.

Not proud to say that I have left a few words left unsaid though. I wonder how it would be like if I have actually, blurted out the things that have been struggling to escape from my lips. There’s always two paths for everything, aren’t there? Worse off, you can only choose one of them, and for the rest of your pitiful, miserable life, you will be haunted by visions of the road you did not take. What would happen if I have went that way instead? Would I be a better person? Would things finally wrap up to the conclusions I wanted to hear? Or maybe, it wouldn’t have made any difference at all.

Speak of the devil, hello, Alison Krauss*.

Currently in the mood for romantic comedies. I guess I just needed to be a little bit more lighthearted this time. The pressure’s on, everything is not in their usual order, so, to match those things up, I am watching more mainstream kind of films, the ones that doesn’t deal with serious issues, and listen to slow tempo-d songs. Definitely a good, good therapy. So if anyone has any suggestions at all, feel free to leave me a message. I have a lot of time in my pocket now.

Oh, anyway, I don’t really fancy using a huge amount of alphabets and embedding a YouTube video in the same post, but ehh, I have some theme songs in my mind. I need to share of I’ll die.

*It wouldn’t have made any difference is the title of a song Alison Krauss covered in her 1999 album, Forget About It. The original singer is Todd Rundgren. Coincidently, when I typed “…it wouldn’t have made any difference”, the song popped out into ‘Now Playing’. Well, God definitely likes to tease.

How God teases.

2011-08-04T06:55:00.001+08:00

As tearful as these eyes could shed,
I know the days I count have finally,
come to its end.

Merci et bonne nuit.

I have kept on saying that for these
past few weeks, but this time,
it’s as real as it goes.

All We Know Is Falling.

2011-08-03T12:10:00.001+08:00

I listen to this when I’m feeling stressed.
And depressed.
And hopeless.
And a tint bit sad.

All We Know Is Falling, Paramore’s debut studio album.

It’s a good pick-me-up,
aside from a good friend.

Do I even have one right now?

First sight.

2011-08-03T11:47:00.001+08:00

I like to wake up in the morning,
just to feel the numb coldness and
listen to the luscious tunes I make up.

I like to wake up in the morning,
just to think of you.

Hmm.

I sense frangipani on my skin. It’s cute.

2011-08-03T06:23:00.000+08:00

I noticed how people change when a special event in the calendar comes-a-knocking on the teapots. It always seemed like they changed for the better, but that’s it. It simply seemed like it. The fact is, I don’t think they are. At least, most of them are not. I can testify to that.

It’s typical to write about Ramadhan during the fasting season, but I guess that it’s the theme for this month’s posts. Alright, I’m lying. It’s not. I’ve been meaning to avoid the topic,honestly. The last two days, you, my darlings, have been served with stuffs concerning on two films (a recent addition), a rant and a sigh. That doesn’t sound so good, no? In a weird twist, Someone (and when I put capitals, it plain means that I am referring to a higher power) is trying to test me this month, I think. Either He is trying to test my faith, my principles, my love, or whatever clichés you can come up with, I have this feeling that this month is going to be tough. But the challenge is not about fasting, it’s about something else.

Some things else is more like it.

Would love to go in the details, but how I’ve learnt my lesson, I am not going to tell. Once I thought that the space I own here (well, do I?) is personal, but now, I realized that sorenmohdnoor dot blogspot dot com is a public blog. I can’t just write anything I want here. If I want to, I’d save it for myself, like I did a few times before.

So the next time you find yourself “not allowed” to view this page, please be reminded that I did not block you, or anyone at all. For god’s sake, I don’t even know how to! It’s just that, I have my November Rain days, and during that period, no one is supposed to read anything off me. I once closed this blog for a long time, because I felt unsecured towards a being, but as time went, I started writing again, and what you’re reading here, is the result of my self esteem. People change, and as immortal as I think I can ever be, I am, too.

Once Were Warriors.

2011-08-02T13:14:00.001+08:00

Well, this one is too good to keep for oneself.

Once Were Warriors,
directed by Lee Tamahori
and released in 1994.

I’m just in the mood for sharing right now. :)

An alien in human form. To say “devil” instead is too harsh.

2011-08-02T13:07:00.001+08:00

This is one of the reasons why I like to stay self-centred.

Because when I’m not, you will tell me to go off and be selfish again. To tell you the truth, I am tired and I am almost dead out of exhaustion. But you never noticed that. You just wanted me to change, for my own good, whatever, and I did. I did change. Self-voluntarily, I hand the credits to you. Thank you for making me a better person. I am happy with the way I am now. But,

of course, there’s always a “but” when it comes to you.

You’re not the Christian friend I used to have, who forgives and forgets. You’re a creature from another galaxy, which is far more superior than the other planets. Yeah, right.

I used to have this friend, her name is Sara, and one day, I made a mistake. She scolded me hard, and I just had to admit that what I did was wrong, because I was wrong. The next day, when I thought that she would still be mad at me, she smiled the sincerest smile I have ever seen and said :

“In Christianity, we believe in forgive-and-forget.
That’s what we do, and what I am doing now.”

A stranger I am, but that’s what I have come to believe too.

But I’d add three extra cookies in the oven if I was Sara. I’d be angry, calm down, understand, forgive and forget. I think that’s what Sara means too, but of course it’s too dragging to mention all five matters.

Anyway,

oh yeah. I forgot, you’re not Sara. (and here comes the sarcasm)

Before I wrap this “present” with a bow tie, let me just, make a humble announcement : “The currents are now changed to your course, but since you keep reminding yourself of its original nature, please be happy that the current is is returning to its normal self again. Aren’t you happy now? That’s what you’ve always wanted! To have someone to trash-talk about!”

That’s what you’ve always wanted. To have someone to trash-talk about.

Be my guest.

The Holiday.

2011-08-01T14:04:00.001+08:00

Haven’t watched Closer yet. It’s slowly crawling its way to me,
but

Meet The Holiday (2006) and it’s going to be mine soon!
I watched some parts of this during class. Looks interesting.

Kinda like, woman version of Hitch (2005), maybe? ;)

I love the cast by the way. Especially the lovely, lovely
Rufus Sewell. *Swoons!

Just a highlight on the director – Nancy Meyers,
I Googled and found out that she did two of my favourite films :
The Parent Trap (1998) and It’s Complicated (2009).

Oh, and, for my assignment,
I watched this :

Nosferatu, eine Symphonie des Grauens
directed by F.W. Murnau (1922).

It’s an early silent film, claimed to be a German Expressionism one and I wouldn’t want to recommend it if you’re planning a popcorn movie session. The film’s really slow, but for the sake of my studies and so-called interest in films, I watched it.

Just don’t watch it if you’re planning to entertain yourself.

The last day we would meet.

2011-08-01T07:19:00.001+08:00

Ohey it’s August. Yay!

…

But then again,
oh no.

rain, rain, go away. come again another day.

Please?

Munirah oh Munirah.

2011-07-30T20:55:00.003+08:00

eh eh, seronoknya dia gelakkan kita. sakit hati i tau.
ehh, pandainya dia ni bercakap. kita pun iya-iyakan jelah.

“yeke? omg. saya tak pernah tau! awak ni…
pandailah!”

konon-nya lah. nampak tak keikhlasan aku
memuji orang ni?

tapi! hah. ada tapi-tapinya.

semua orang ada baik, dan buruk diorang masing-masing.
ada benda dekat aku yang korang suka,
ada benda dekat aku yang korang tak suka.
sama dengan korang-lah,

ada benda pasal korang yang aku suka,
dan vice versa. [malasnya nak taip]

so, terimalah saya seadanya,
marahlah saya kalau saya buat silap.
pujilah saya sebab awak tau saya memang
cantik
baik
pandai
dan
kuat perasan.

saya budak baru belajar,
kalau salah tolong tunjukkan.

-ditujukan kepada seorang budak yang kuat perasan,
nama dia munirah. dia memang comel. tak, tipu.

Mess.

2011-07-30T20:55:00.001+08:00

I am a mess right now, just waiting for springtime to come.

He says all the right things at exactly the right time
but he means nothing to you and you don’t know
why.

There’s a particular attraction surrounding these lyrics. Took it from the song Everything You Want by Vertical Horizon. You can rip it off their 1999 album of the same title.

He’s everything you want.
He’s everything you need.
He’s everything inside of you that you wish
you could be.
He says all the right things at exactly the right time
but he means nothing to you and you don’t know
why.

When I was in my fourth semester, we learnt about the basics of human psychology for a bit, and there’s this theory by Sigmund Freud called the Electra complex. The Electra complex explains how a female human, when she is young, she would become thoroughly attached to her father, and under the mind’s eye, would have this desire to be like the father – sexually. When I read the lyrics of this song, I was reminded of the Electra theory. He’s everything inside of you that you wish you could be. Hmm. That sounds very Electra-ish for me. I could be wrong, but

it’s amazing how science is able to tell things about us from afar.

You & I.

2011-07-29T19:33:00.001+08:00

Currently attached to this :

You & I, an album from The Pierces
which was released on the 30th of May this year!

I haven’t listened to the whole album yet, but I’ve been incessantly listening to the songs We Are Stars, You’ll Be Mine and It Will Not Be Forgotten. Oh yes, I am in love with these two songstresses. Search for them on YouTube, please. I can’t figure out why it’s hard to discover lovely, innocent songs like these on the local radio stations.

And mak, saya tak dengar lagu jerit-jerit aja tau. Lagu biasa-biasa macam ni pun saya suka! ;)

Hello, stranger.

2011-07-29T18:29:00.001+08:00

The Believer is aesthetic. Next up is this :

Closer (2004) directed by Mike Nichols.
I’m already in love with The Blower’s Daughter and Caramel. ;)

Terima.

2011-07-27T21:29:00.001+08:00

Minggu ni mood aku tak baik sangat. Sensitif. Semua serba tak kena saja. Semua benda nak marah-marah. Banyaknya kerja nak buat, banyaknya hati yang aku kena jaga. Aku ni macam mana? Apa beza korang dengan aku sampai aku asyik kena mengalah je?

Macam lagu Fynn Jamal, “…I should better be mature.”

Tapi aku dah bosan dah jadi orang yang paling mature. Kali ni, mungkin aku pulak yang nak jadi orang yang paling immature dalam dunia. Macam mana agaknya perasaan tu?

Macam mana rasanya kalau kau cuba pakai kasut yang tak sama saiz dengan kau?

***

Tadi, aku ada dalam kelas. Kebetulan, itu satu kelas yang bosan, dan kebetulan juga, sebelum aku pergi kelas, aku ada dekat library. Aku tengah cari bahan untuk siapkan assignment dekat library tadi, jadi sah-sahlah aku bawak laptop. Nak dijadikan cerita, macam biasa, kelas yang aku attend tu sangat-sangatlah membosankan.

Bila bosan dalam kelas, apa korang buat?

Zaman sekarang ni tak mainlah passing-passing surat. Zaman sekarang ni telefon bimbit boleh bawak online Facebook. Alah, Facebook. A place for frenemies tu. Budak-budak, orang dewasa-orang dewasa zaman sekarang semua ada Facebook. Budak baru lahir pun ada Facebook. Serius. Jadi kau nampak tak betapa vital-nya Facebook dalam kehidupan masyarakat zaman sekarang ni?

Mak aku dulu, kalau kelas bosan, dia main passing-passing kertas dengan kawan-kawan dia. Zaman kakak aku masuk universiti, dia main SMS kalau bosan. Kalau aku dengan kawan-kawan aku pulak, kitorang online Facebook guna telefon bimbit. Itulah yang aku buat dalam kelas tadi.

Eh kejap. Silap. Aku tak guna telefon bimbit. Tak mainlah skrin kecik, takde chatbox semua. Aku guna laptop je terus. Beso. Gedabak. Complete-tit! Yang paling aku suka,

kalau aku guna laptop aku boleh type nota terus. Lepas tu aku boleh Google terus apa yang lecturer aku cakap tadi. Kira macam, main sambil belajar lah ni. Kejap Facebook, kejap type down nota, kejap cari information. Murni sikit perlakuan aku online dalam kelas tu.

Tapi nak dijadikan cerita, aku ni, critical sikit orangnya. Semua benda aku nak tanya. Jadi tadi, walaupun aku ada buat nota dan selak Wikipedia pasal term-term yang lecturer aku ajar, aku ada tertanya dekat diri sendiri :

“Apa agaknya perasaan aku kalau aku tengah cakap, tengah berkongsi ilmu dengan orang ni, dan orang tak dengar.Lagi best, orang tu main bantai je pandang skrin komputer masa aku tengah ikhlas nak bercakap. Macam mana rasanya tu?”

Aku nak buat ayat yang cliché : Aku ni bukanlah orang yang paling berhati murni sekali dalam dunia ni. Selalu, aku akan cakap dan sokong benda yang betul, tapi when the push comes to the shove, aku terus lupa benda yang baik dan try to snake away menggunakan cara yang salah.

Dunia aku ni pelik. Benda baik susah sangat dibuat, tapi benda yang jahat senang je nak buat.

Sebenarnya dari mula start kelas aku dah bermonolog dengan diri aku sendiri pasal benda ni. Tak menumpukan perhatian dalam kelas semasa guru sedang mengajar ialah sesuatu yang tidak baik, malah aku boleh kata benda tu tak berperikemanusiaan. Bayangkan, kau tengah nak spread benda baik ni, tapi orang malas nak dengar. Macam mana tu? Sebab tulah orang kata, nanti bila Imam Al-Mahdi dah sampai, kita tak dapat nak iktiraf dia sebagai Imam Al-Mahdi.

Jadi, tadi selepas berfikir masak-masak, dan setelah mendapat pandangan seorang kawan baik yang aku tahu, takkan judge aku dari sudut pandangan mata dia sahaja, aku buat sesuatu yang aku tahu, baik.

Alhamdulillah.

Say.

2011-07-27T15:41:00.001+08:00

I know I’m good for something. I just haven’t found it yet.

- #6 Miserable At Best by Mayday Parade (A Lesson In Romantics, 2007).

Sunan.

2011-07-27T15:21:00.001+08:00

Hari tu aku pergi pejabat pos. Dah lama tak pergi. Last time aku pergi sebab nak beli setem untuk lekat kat borang PTPTN. Lepas tu tak pergi dah. Nak pergi buat apa? Takda sapa yang sanggup nak baca surat cinta aku untuk diorang dan balas balik. Sekarang ni zaman ‘comment’ dan ‘like’, takdenya nak ber-‘snail mail’.

Anyway, aku bukan nak cerita pasal pengalaman aku dah lama tak mengirim surat, aku nak cerita sikit pasal apa yang terjadi dekat aku dalam bas RapidKL.

Dalam bas tak ramai orang sangat. Alhamdulillah, dapatlah aku duduk kan. Jadi macam biasa, aku duduk dekat seat yang agak belakang, tepi tingkap. Aku suka duduk tepi tingkap sebab aku suka berangan. Lepas tu ada pulaklah lagu tema yang berkumandang dalam hati aku ni. Biasalah tu. Soren kan. Kalau dia diam tu maknanya dia tengah berangan la tu.

Elok-elok aku dok syok ber-Ku Menunggu ni, aku diganggu dengan lagu tema orang lain pulak. Aku pandang sebelah, ada sorang mamat ni. Pakai baju putih. Orangnya pun putih. Muka macam baya-baya aku je tapi rasanya dia dalam Form 5 kot. Yang paling penting dia pakai headphone.

Dan dia macam nak satu bas je dengar lagu yang dia tengah dengar tu. Sumpah kuat.

Aku pandang dia dalam 3 saat, lepas tu aku pandang luar tingkap.

“Macam tu ke aku dulu?”

I am…

2011-07-23T10:46:00.001+08:00

waiting for this to arrive at my door :

The Believer (2001) directed by Henry Bean.

This is so typical me, no?

Oh, and I need an external hard disk before I format my machine.

Kisah cinta kita.

2011-07-21T15:27:00.001+08:00

sedar tak sedar, kau kini adalah seorang kapitalis.

dulu kau benci kapitalis.

sekarang kau dah jadi kapitalis.

benci lama-lama sayang. ;)

dan aku, aku

masih kekal seorang komunis.

eh,

tak perlulah panggil polis untuk sumbat aku dalam

penjara.

kawan kapitalis aku dah pun masukkan aku dalam ISA.

aku redha aja.

hai lah, kawan!

Puitis seorang panggung.

2011-07-19T19:48:00.001+08:00

Babak 1.

Seorang ibu tua sedang mengemas bilik anaknya yang kotor berdaki di lantai. Kain baju si anak bertaburan merata ibarat kain buruk basah. Ibu angkat sehelai seluar jeans dan mengeluk kocek kanan. Hampa. Kocek kiri? Hampa.

Dalam hatinya mengharapkan beberapa syiling perak buat beli lauk untuk waktu petang.

Ketika ini, aku bermonolog : Syahdu hidup kalau terpaksa berbekalkan lauk haram.

Babak 2.

Ali mundar-mandir di dalam bilik tidur. Rumah agam itu sunyi, sesunyi jirat Cina di Saujana Impian. Tiba-tiba Ali menangis mengenangkan ibu bapa kayanya yang sentiasa outstation.

Ketika ini, aku tertawa. Untungnya jadi anak orang kaya.

Babak 3.

Seorang gadis di dalam teater sinema GSC yang gelap sedang asyik menonton adegan romantis Johnny Depp dan Angelina Jolie. Di sudut matanya, seorang lelaki memegang tangan kekasih pondannya erat-erat. Hati gadisnya dirundum cemburu.

Ketika ini, aku tersentap. Eh. Macam aku je pompuan tu!